Suicide S? Or just a case of the Butterflies?
by babydiva246
Summary: The music of that evening still screamed in her head. How can I decide what's right when you're clouding up my mind? Her bare feet beat the pavement as she ran, no one could catch her. She wouldn't allow apoligys, not this time; not from anyone!
1. Suicide S?

As the tears fell down her face once again her heart pound against her chest. The music of that evening still screamed in her head. **How can I decide what's right when you're clouding up my mind?** Her bare feet beat the pavement as she ran, no one could catch her. She wouldn't allow apoligys, not this time; not from anyone! The hotel management flew by, hundreds of door and rich marble sculptures swirled by all in a panic trying to escape her fury of tears and speed. Her blonde hair flew behind her in long spidery tendrils of pure honey and silk. Her eyes were covered with such anguish that not even the closest person could even try to feel her pain let alone send out a hand of such honest feelings; with that they all seemed to fail.

Out side the rain was falling faster then her tears, the cars were speeding by faster then her heart. It was like she was on the roof again...it was like watching her baby brother try to kill himself again...such fear, anger and pain!

" _Serena!_" There was shouting, she didn't know where it was coming from she didn't care. She was invinsible as she took off. The cars seemed to stop as she bolted through the intersection to the other side of the Manhattan Upper East Side. **But you think that I can't see what kind of man that you are,if you're a man at all.** The hill may have gotten steeper but it didn't matter. Her dress was ripped so violently that her white Victoria Secret number was visible. Finally she tripped, her feet caught and she fell rolling over herself. There was no one around, no one but Serena. Her Gemma Halter aquamarine Ralph Lauren dress was ruined, the tears were stained upon the color and the rip was worsened by the blood from her hands and knees scraped on the pavement. Her hair seemed to be dirty and ragged as she ran her sore bleeding hands over it in anguish. Her heart was slowing but her breathing was frantic as that one screaming voice still lingered in her head. _Serena._ Her own name. Her Catherine Suede Lauren heals were ruined, that actual heel ripped from the back of the shoe. They lay limply a block back but it didn't matter. Her little hand purse still buzzed frantically at her side.

_Pull yourself together woman! You are Serena Van Der Woodsen. _**I've had a little bit too much...All of the people start to rush, start to rush by...How does he twist the dance? Can't find a drink, oh man Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone.....**Ripping open her purse she pulled the little silver phone and flipped it open. It was going crazy with texts and phone calls. All of them unimportant she erased them and began to dial.

" I'm coming. I'm leaving here. I won't leave you alone...Hold on!" she begged. Flagging a taxi the world began to come back into reality. People began to reapear on the streets. Cars began to stream past and it was like she was where she was born. She pulled herself together, she threw her hair back and gave a glare to every odd stair in her direction and posed in the streets. Legs out tall and thin, her hand up....**And dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm....Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm...** The music seemed to swell in that back of her throat as she dipped into the taxi not looking behind her. Once again her name rung in her head. _Serena, WAIT!_ As the car pulled away from the curb he came running up but not anyone whom she would expect. It was Chuck with her shoes hanging deperately from his hands. His face looked...shocked, pained, embarressed...worried?**Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic...Got my blueprint, it's symphonic...Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic...Got my blueprint electronic.**

_Well, well __**S**__. Looks like we are in a little bit of a mid-life tragedy._

_But the really question is what the hell happened that party you attended? _

_Why was __**C**__ in persuit of his 'beloved' step sister? And why did he look so tortured?_

_Who was __**S**__ on the phone with?_

_Seems like __**S**__ has a few more secrets then we were prepared for...._

_Not to mention it looks like she had lost a few more screws in that pretty little head of her's if she is hearing the soundtrack to Decode and Just Dance...._

_Until Next Time._

_XoXo Gossip Girl_


	2. Daylight in the Swamp!

_Good Morning Manhattanites,_

_Do me a favor. If any of you see __**S**__ let me know…_

_I actually lost track of her… On the other hand __**C**__ is still within our grasps._

_And it appears__** Little J**__ has something to do with this also…_

" What do you mean you lost her!" her voice shook as she tried to whisper. It was early, maybe 5 or 6 in the morning and only her dad was awake.

" She's fast Jenny. My bad, besides. She won't get far." His silky smooth talk was interrupted by a familiar voice in the back ground. It was Blair.

" Chuck we have to find her! What if she tells someone or she actually gets to him… It will be bad enough when Dan realizes she left again." Mumbled Jenny, she was worried now as her heart beat began to flutter.'

" Look. J, I will take care of everything. She is my sister; I think I know where she is going," his face popped into her head and she shook it violently.

" She's your step sister Chuck. Be serious now! I will go to the…" but Blair's voice cut her off.

" What are you guys talking about? What about Serena?"

" I'll talk to you later Little J." replied Chuck obviously smug as he hung up on her. Jenny looked to the loft window, the sounds of the city were beginning roar as the town became alive with people. Somewhere Serena was out there and she had to find her…It was her fault that she left.

The air was so cold and she wore but a skimpy blue dress. The hotel smelled of cigarettes and cats and the bed was hard and lumpy. The blankets had fallen off in her sleep and her hang over ripped through her head. Sitting up she rubbed her eyes and flicked her thick matted blonde hair over her shoulder. She needed new clothes…A shower…Some asprin! Her phone lay cracked on the dresser table. She had thrown it at the wall when her inbox was full and her answering machine was so clogged that she couldn't even call to tell her brother she was okay.

Pulling herself up with all the strength left in her hands she flexed. The tears made her face feel sticky and her jaw hurt from clenching her teeth. Her feet stretched the cracks on her feet until they bled from running the pavement of the night before…and she still didn't know where he was.

Serena made it over to her phone limping and once again threw her mass of hair out of her way. The scream had spider like webbing crossed it from where it had hit the wall but the settings were still visible and there was only 3 messages now and one voice mail. Clicking open she had to let out a gasp and allow yet another set of tears to run down her face…He didn't know either,

**Morning Beautiful. I'm going to Brooklyn for a Job interview. Lets get lunch later? Love, Dan.**

The next was from her brother, he knew… he was there last night and she had just taken off leaving him with Jenny and Chuck. What was she thinking…

**Serena. Call me. Everything is going to be okay…It's my turn to help you.**

The last seemed to make her toes curl, her hair to split and her jaw to ache from the pressure she exerted on clenching her teeth. It was from Jenny. Serena struggled to remember the night before. It was a normal Manhattan party, booze, drugs and Chuck's flirtatious night club girls. There had been Blaire enjoying a glass with Chuck. She was so happy to be the only thing rapped in his arms….Then hours later there was Jenny and Dan and Dan left early and Jenny had stayed…They had danced. Then she got the news. He was back and he was in danger.

**I'm sorry Serena. Please let me help.**

**Ily 3 Lil J**

That was enough to make her vomit. Hadn't she helped enough already. She had tried to lock Serena in a _closet_, take her phone, and even tell Eric what was going on. He didn't need to know. He most certainly didn't need to worry and Jenny was supposed to be supporting him…She was his girlfriend for gods sake not his therapist. Help him, don't destroy him.

That send her over the edge and went to throw the phone across the room but then noticed it. There was a voice mail. Clicking send she dialed 7770 and listened.

" Serena. It's me. I'll be outside at noon sharp. Don't make me look for you…I am worried."

It ended, but the thick velvety voice was not hard to miss. It was Chuck. This brought more tears to her eyes. He was the one chasing her last night. He actually came after her… Peering over at the clock Serena noticed the time, 10:30. She needed to shower, she needed to eat.


	3. Merci Beaucoup

" How do you know where I was Chuck!" the sound of 30 year old white plate and cups clicked as other people ate in the little run down diner. Serena sat across from Chuck in a old miss-matched patterened stool. He looked like a prince, out of sort with the other people. There was bums in the corner mumbling about things they tried to ignore. There was hookers, bikers, truckers and even a little innocent family trying to eat as quickly as possible. Chuck was dressed to the T with a black suit and deep blood red tie. His hair was flicked over his eyes as he stared at the window. He had a cup of coffee infront of him, nothing more. Serena had her own cup and large cheesey omlet that still steemed all gooey and warm.

" That doesn't matter. What the hell were you thinking." he still didn't turn back to her as he peered out of the window.

" Why do you care? Seriously, go home. I can take care.."

" _**Stop**_ being stupid. I know why your here. He doesn't care about you...Besides she is here..." he replied. Her cup toppled out of her hand and broke with a louder tinkling sound. No one turned but a waitress brought her a dingy blue rag.

" There you go sweet-hart. Why don't you clean that up...Kids.." she mumbled. Her voice was that scary thick smokers voices that could have made it easy to confuse her as a man. Chuck looked at Serena and they busted up laughing...Serena hadn't laughed like that in so long it hurt her face, stomach and head.

" Let's go." Chuck threw a twenty onto the table and pushed his chair back with a scratching sound.

" You don't get it... I can't go...I have to help him!" she replied rubbing her fingers delicately around the cup.

" Serena.." his voice became exaserbated.

" HE'S MY DAD CHUCK! I CAN'T LEAVE HIM!" she screamed suddenly. That sent many other cups to shatter and silverware to tinkle onto the table on floor. Eyes raped the seen like a murder searching for some kind of detail of danger.

" Then I want to help...We are family. Besides your a wreck. Can we go now please?" he replied raising a brow. Offering his hand Serena studied...She accepted it and slid out of the resturant like a queen on the arm of her escort.

_Geez __**S**__, a little dramatic? But I guess in dire times it calls for dire needs...Wait a second..._

_What happened to__** Little J?**__ I thought she had a plan...I guess it's time to check in on the day care service..._

" Oh my god Jenny wait up.." Eric came running up behind her as she briskly walked the Manhattan streets.

" Your going the wrong way you know...School is this way." he said with a smile nudging her and tugging lightly on her arm. She stopped and turned, she looked like the same old Jenny. Black eye liner and eye shadow, think blonde hair, a purple scarf, black coat, jeans and heeled boots. She carried a bag but not a normal school bag, it was bigger and lumpier. Her hat sat off center on her head as she turned with such pity in her eyes that Eric felt a sharp pang ring through his body.

" What's wrong?"

" Serena...She went looking for your dad. I saw him, thought I did. I remember looking at your photo book with you and Serena walked in and I was like who is this and she was all thats my dad. I haven't seen him since he got arrested and I was like biting my tongue I had seen him. He was in the paper and it said he was free but had a drug addiction and I don't know I just thought about Nate and his dad and what happened and I didn't want you guys going back to that but I let it slip...I had been drinking and she left she went after him and Chuck won't help me. He disapeared this morning and Blaire said to leave it be but I can't do that! Im so sorry!" Jenny was talking so fast that Eric almost got lost but he got it.

" I'm going with you. Mom is in New York, she can't see him either." Eric rapped his arm around Jenny's waist and kissed her cheek.

" It will be okay," she whispered more to comfort herself then Eric.

_Smooth move __**Little J**__, you truely never know when __**E **__will go off and what if this is it..._

_Didn't Mr. Van Der Woodsen walk out on the family after __**E**__ tried to commit suicide?____If im correct __**E**__ also send word_

_Of his change in....Attraction...I don't think he sent word of changing back..._

_Good Luck __**E**__,_

_XoXo_

_Commere` Fille Aka_

_Gossip Girl_


End file.
